I miss Z terribly. But at the same time I am so excited for his parents and so proud of how hard they worked. They still send pictures and I get to see him. Though I don’t know how long that will last I appreciate the fact that right now they are making his transition home easier on all of us (especially Bubba)
- Let them know their child’s schedule/likes and dislikes/etc. It will help the child transition and the parents will most likely be thankful. Zs parents asked me for all that information.
- Send their child with as much as you can. I’m not saying you should spend a lot of money or anything. However, when I knew Z was most likely going home I spent his stipend on clothes the next two sizes up and toys he will be ready for in a couple months.
- Let them know they can contact you with any questions. And don’t judge them for the questions they ask lol.
- Let them know that you consider them family and will support them. A lot of families part of the foster care don’t have the support they need. Offer to be that support.
- Offer to babysit. It will give them a break and you get baby cuddles.
- Invite them to family events. Zs parents came to our family Christmas. We all got to get see Z and his parents felt a sense of community.
- Continue to meet up with them in the community. If you don’t feel comfortable inviting them to your home, meet other ways.
- Be a mentor to them when it comes to parenting. Though I am not an expert on parenting at all. I have noticed that Zs parents ask me a lot of parenting questions and instead of judging them for not knowing, I support them.
- Help them find community resources. Sometimes there are resources out there that they don’t know about yet.
- Pray for them all
Things your elf on the shelf can do that don’t require you to clean up
- Have them read a book
- Literally just sit them on a shelf
- Have them bring a note from Santa with a good deed your child should do
- Have them bring a small gift
- Have them sliding down the banister
- Have them sleeping in a doll bed
- Have them making your child’s lunch (I saw this on Facebook and thought it was genius)
- Sit them on top of a fan or chandelier
- Put them in your stockings (possibly with a little treat)
- Have them write on your whiteboard. (A lot less messy than a mirror)
Some of these may already exist and if they do please send me links.
- Drive thru grocery store. Not delivery. But an actual drive thru. Like when I run out of something and don’t want to get the kids out of the car.
- In Home nail/hair service. Okay I’m pretty sure this exists but probably only for people who can afford to spend a lot of money. I would love to get my hair cut in the comfort of my own home while my children run around like crazy people.
- In door play land. Alright I know these exist too. However there aren’t enough of them that aren’t attached to a fast food restaurant. It would even be nice to have them in actual restaurants.
- Baby swimming lessons where you don’t have to get in the water. Sure it’s great bonding time but sometimes I don’t feel like it. It would be nice if they had enough instructors to take them all in.
- Doctors who come to your home. I think a few of these still exist but it would be nice if a lot more doctors did this. (Oh and had more appointments after 3 for working parents).
- Places for foster children to have visits. I am not talking about a room in the DCFS office but a place that has age appropriate toys, cribs for babies, changing tables, toddler toilets, and maybe even a kitchen to cook. Throwing kids and parents in a room isn’t giving them real family time (and don’t even get me started about McDonald’s).
- Family restrooms with changing tables and toddler potty’s. EVERYWHERE. And not just one.
- A company that does a buy one donate one to a kid in foster care. I can’t figure out what we would sell yet. But there are a lot of companies that help out other countries what about kids in our own country?!?!
- 24/7 daycare The daycare director where all my kids have gone was telling me about how she would love to open a 24/7 daycare for parents who have night shifts.
- Childcare in hotels I would love if more places did this. Especially for single parents traveling alone.
Anyone have anymore?
These are traditions that I love and that i want to share with my children.
- Making gingerbread houses on Thanksgiving. I’m not sure when this tradition started but we love it. It is kind of a competition to see how weird our house me can be.
- Making my Grandmas recipe for apple, pumpkin, and cherry pie. Pumpkin is my favorite though
- Cutting down our own Christmas tree. Though I can’t have a live tree because of my allergies, we still help my parents cut their tree down every year.
- Breakfast with Santa. This is an awesome tradition. The kids love seeing Santa, there is no line since we are called up by table, and I get to eat pancakes I didn’t make.
- Sending out Christmas cards. This one was a hard one for me when Princess was little. We always sent out Christmas cards and I wanted to include her even though she wasn’t officially part of the family. These days I just take pictures of me and all the kids and we send out cards to friends and family. Even if the kids won’t be living in my home next year they live with me now.
- Going to Zoo lights. We haven’t done this since I was little. We are going to start this up again since I’m a member of the zoo now.
- Going to Mass at the Old Church. It is this beautiful chapel where I work. My grandma loved it and I always feel like she is there with me when we are there.
- Going to look at Christmas lights. After mass we alway drive around to look at Christmas lights. My dad always finds some to surprise us.
- Getting pajamas for Christmas Eve. This is a tradition I love. I started having the kids and I have matching pajamas, it is a lot of fun.
- Eating French toast for breakfast Christmas morning. I love this tradition. However, my parents always made us eat before we could open presents and I do it backwards.
Bubba is at the age where he understands more about the Holidays. We have been working hard this month on teaching him to be Thankful for things.
- Teach them to say thank you. This is the first step to teaching children to be thankful. We are even working with Z on saying thank you in sign language.
- Thank them. Show them that you are thankful for them and what they do for the family.
- Model being thankful. I say things like I am thankful for Bubba, baby Z, hot chocolate, etc.
- Talk about what you are thankful during dinner. This helps me model it but it allows him to practice and he even says funny things like hamburgers and hotdogs.
- Prayer. Praying to God and thanking him for what we are thankful for is a great way to model being thankful.
- Go on a nature walk. Teach kids to be thankful for what is in nature.
- Have them do something for their siblings. And teach them not to expect anything in return.
- Have them pack up some toys to give to kids in need. This helps clean out your house for Christmas as well.
- Make food in a food kitchen. If your children are old enough.
- Have them do chores (and thank them for it instead of pay them). This might seem like a weird one but it shows kids to appreciate all the work that is done in the house.
This week I’m splitting up the lists into 5 stem toys for Bubba’s age group (3-6) and five stem toys for Princess’ age group (7-12)
- Code-a-pillar Fisher-Price Think & Learn Code-a-Pillar https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01ASVD2L4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_0rDdAbDTEZYHB
- Magnetic building blocks Magnetic Blocks STEM Educational Toys Magnet Building Block Tiles Set for Boys and Girls by Coodoo-24pcs https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06WJ59FH2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9sDdAbWC1730S
- Dinosaur take apart toys Dinosaur Toys Take Apart Toys With Tools (Pack of 6 Dinosaurs – 218 pieces) – Construction Engineering STEM Learning Toy Building Play Set – Best Toy for Boys & Girls Age 3 – 12 years old. colors very https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XMYWVGJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_TtDdAbCTCFQVB
- Design and drill Educational Insights Design & Drill Activity Center https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00012O42W/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_KuDdAbYYTYSH6
- Automobile engineer Kids First Automobile Engineer Kit https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TF8ZF94/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_BwDdAbJ75VXKW
- Mini telescope Meade Instruments Infinity 50mm AZ Refractor Telescope https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LY8JCII/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ImDdAbDVQPR5D
- Kitchen Science 4M Kitchen Science Kit https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004NEP7NE?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf
- Osmo Osmo Genius Kit (Newer version available) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B015ELZCJS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_svDdAb77M90JP
- Star Wars droid inventors kit Star Wars Droid Inventor Kit https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XYD1LRN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ayDdAbCWKVXRR
- Microscope Educational Insights Nancy B’s Science Club Microscope and Activity Journal – Award Winning Science Toys https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B1Z6EXU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_UyDdAbDCVE7NJ
I have had a very stressful but overall good week. The week before conferences is always a little crazy. But there was a lot of laughter and smiles this week.
- I got a lovely note from Baby Zs parents thanking me for sending pictures and taking care of him. This is why I foster.
- Bubba is going to get more visit time with his parent and siblings!!!
- Bubba has started saying how much he misses Baby Z during the day and it’s so sweet.
- When I ask him if he missed me he says no. Hey at least he is honest.
- One of my 7th grade students walked in and introduced himself to the student working at the table. They have math group together once a week and have been to school together since preschool. Oh and they are also identical twins. I could not stop laughing at this one.
- My 8th grade student did amazing on a major project that he did 95% of on his own. (Seriously this is amazing)
- I had students asking to work with. (That never happens)
- I learned that there is a car bottle warmer (seriously best thing I have ever bought on amazon)
- I found a hot wheels advent calendar for Bubba.
- My sister comes home in 5 days!!!!
I try to be so positive. But this week has been hell. Being a single mom is hard. It is especially hard when you have people waiting to point out every mistake you make. This post is not meant to be a “poor me” post. Instead I hope someone reads this and realizes they are not alone. And even though it might feel like you are a failure, remember you are trying your best.
- When I tried to put my 6 month pants on my three year old. It was hilarious but not very successful.
- When my kids got colds. I know they aren’t the only kids with colds. But it sure feels like it when I get phone calls from caseworkers about runny noses.
- For the fact that my 6 month old cries in when put in his car seat. Apparently the fact he cries when his parents put him in the car seat at the end of the visit means he is unhappy living with me.
- When I canceled on my friends to spend a night with princess. Actually I don’t feel guilty about this at all.
- When I couldn’t get dye out of princess’ hair. I felt bad taking her back to her dads with dye in her hair. But that’s why her dad, step Mom and I are a team.
- When I forgot to take a single picture of my kids by themselves trick or treating. We have a group photo I took that I love. But I don’t have a single photo I can print for their parents.
- When my kids ate too much candy for Halloween. I only felt guilty about this for a second. We have no candy or treats in the house so I guess a little treat is okay.
- For wanting a minute alone. I was exhausting and I needed a moment alone but my kids needed me too. Self care and being a mom is a balance I haven’t figured out.
- The fact that my kids have to go to daycare. Sometimes the guilt of being a working mom gets to me. However they both love daycare.
- The fact that I am only one person. Being a single parent can be hard but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m glad I started fostering now instead of waiting till I found a man.
Some weeks everything I do seems wrong. But I just remind myself I am doing my best and then laugh at it.
It is so important to have a list of questions to ask a licensing worker. The first time I got a placement I was rediculed by the person on the phone for asking so many questions and I let it get to me. I ended up taking a placement that didn’t work out because I was afraid to ask questions.
- What are the ages and gender of the children? It is important to make sure that you are licensed for that age and that you have a spot for them in your house. Many times placement workers try to place kids with people who aren’t licensed for that age.
- Why were they removed? Or why are they being moved from their current foster home? This can help you understand what the kids have been through and what has happened to cause them to be removed.
- Is there any family wanting to have the children placed with them? Sometimes they will move to a family member as soon as they have a background check. This is good to know since chances are the placement will be temporary.
- Is this their first time being removed? Sometimes licensing workers can give you information on the history of the case.
- How did the health works check go? Does the kids have lice? Are they injured in anyway? Are there any special directions on their care?
- Do they have any allergies or medical conditions? Are they coming with medication? Is there anything you need to know medically?
- Is a visit set up with the parents? Make sure you write any dates down for upcoming appointments?
- Are they coming with anything? I have had children come with nothing and children come with a couple items. In my experience there is never time for the kids to grab much.
- What sizes are they? What size diaper do they wear? What formula are they on? If you know these things, you can run to the store or go through your storage. All of my foster children have come at night, so it was important to have atleast enough to get us through the night.
- When are you dropping them off? This gives you an idea of when to expect them so you can start preparing.